Andy Holt

Introduction of Alcoholic Mountain Dew Leaves Gamer Wondering What Has Been Getting Them Drunk This Whole Time

MELBOURNE, Fla. — With the recent rollout of alcoholic Mountain Dew drinks, local gamer Jacob Wright has been left to…

3 years ago

Sparsely Attended ‘Rocky Horror’ Showing Even Sadder Than Usual Tonight

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Due to the passing of singer and actor Meat Loaf, this evening’s monthly showing of cult…

3 years ago

Meme Group Has More Subplots Than TV Show It’s Dedicated To

SARASOTA, Fla. — A Facebook meme group about the children’s show Electro-Friends has a more complex web of conflict than…

3 years ago

DLC Unlocks Expansive New Region of Chores

MONTREAL — Reviews have been favorable for the paid expansions to Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, with gamers praising the vast, colorful…

3 years ago

Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In the weeks since buying Pokémon Shining Pearl for the Nintendo Switch, local gamer Calvin Palmer has…

3 years ago

Gamer Refers to Permanent Indent in Couch as ‘Gaming Nook’

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Local gamer Floyd Hooper has begun using the phrase “gaming nook” to describe the deep valley in…

3 years ago

Beloved Sportscaster John Madden Dead at NFL 22

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — According to longtime business partner EA Sports, beloved sports broadcaster John Madden has passed away at…

3 years ago

X-Ray Reveals Vestigial Third Handle Inside Nintendo Switch Pro Controller

BALTIMORE — Johns Hopkins University completed the first successful x-ray of a Nintendo Switch Pro controller, revealing evidence that the…

3 years ago

Gamers Organize Massive Anti-Gamer Rally to Stop Gamers

WASHINGTON — Gamers from around the world gathered at the U.S. Capitol yesterday to demand action against gamers and everything…

3 years ago