Villain Can’t Remember Why He Hid Key to Dungeon in Woods

UNDERGROUND LAIR, Ang. — Sources confirm everything was going according to the dark prince Dacucard’s wicked plan last night, as he…

8 years ago

Military Tribunal Formally Reprimands Soldier for Teabagging 15 Enemy Combatants

THE HAUGE, Netherlands — In a closed-door trial, military leaders leveled punishment against Sgt. Paul Jackson (aka UberDomed2005) for war…

8 years ago

Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now

ALBANY, N.Y. — High school guidance counselor Michelle Hollenbeck expressed profound anger today after learning competitive gaming has become a…

8 years ago

Top Ranked Call of Duty Player Also Noted Race Scholar

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local student Hollis Wheaton gave a groundbreaking lecture last night on American race relations while holding the…

8 years ago

Part Time Street Luge Enthusiast Shocked to Discover He Is Ranked Fourth in the World

Doug Cavanaugh was reportedly surprised earlier today to find his name at number four on the worldwide street luge power rankings,…

8 years ago

NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn

REDMOND, Wash. -- Nintendo’s NES Classic drew sharp reactions from critics and fans alike this week with the announcement of…

8 years ago

16-Year-Old Skateboarder Finds Secret Tape In Airport

CHICAGO - Skateboarder Scott Sikes discovered a very rare VHS tape while exploring O’Hare International Airport’s best lines and rails…

9 years ago