Gendo Ikari Blames Sun Glare in Eyeglasses for Car Accident

TOKYO-3 — The director of NERV, Gendo Ikari, caused an accident on the highway that led to a three car…

3 years ago

Residents Shocked to Discover 97% of Liberty City Cops Live Outside the Map

LIBERTY CITY — Liberty City citizens were shocked and dismayed to learn that over 39,000 officers of the 40,000-strong LCPD…

3 years ago

Gotham Opera Singer Glad Dicks Who Walked Out Got What Was Coming

GOTHAM CITY — The lead singer of Wayne Opera House’s production of Mefistofele has gone on record saying the assholes…

3 years ago

Our 2021 Holiday Shopping Guide: Everything I Would Like Our Readers to Buy Me

Hey Hard Drivers! It’s the most wonderful time of the year again: the holidays! With major game releases, new high…

3 years ago

Man Catching Up on Popular Show Can’t Wait to See Parts Where the Memes Come From

DES MOINES, Iowa — Local man Alton Redford expressed an excitement to catch up on Netflix series Squid Game so…

3 years ago

Retired Bullet Bill Now Going by Bullet William

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — After decades of launching himself out of cannons and into walls, blocks, and plumbers, iconic grunt enemy…

3 years ago

Hogwarts Celebrates Record-Setting Year With Only Four Students Killed

HIGHLANDS, Scotland — In a response both joyful and triumphant, students and teachers from the famed wizarding school celebrated the…

3 years ago

Nintendo Quietly Shelves ‘Pokémon Blood Diamond’

REDMOND, Wash. — Following lengthy internal discussions and massive volumes of fan feedback, Nintendo and Game Freak came to the…

3 years ago

“0 Days Since Horribly Damaging Report About Us,” Reads Sign at Activision Blizzard

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — A recently installed sign in the Activision Blizzard cafeteria will enable employees to keep track of…

3 years ago