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coronavirus, COVID-19, fast & furious, vin diesel

UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif. — Universal Pictures has confirmed that the 10th film in the “Fast Saga” will prominently feature the COVID-19 pandemic as part of the “family” after being the villain of Fast & Furious 9 and 2020 in general.

“We have a long-standing tradition here with the Fast & Furious movies where the villain of one movie gets to become one of the good guys in the next. We’ve done it with The Rock, we’ve done it with Jason Statham, and we’ve done with a handful of other villains that I don’t remember, I’m sure,” explained Universal Pictures CEO Peter Cramer. “This year, we can all agree that the villain of F9 was the COVID-19 pandemic. It delayed our favorite movie, it killed millions, and worst of all, it separated families. Thankfully, we can all agree to put that aside when a new baddie is looking for a powerful MacGuffin and we need to turn to COVID-19 to help us stop them, knowing that the virus is willing to sit behind the wheel of a sportscar and shut that baddie down.”

Longtime fans of the series are reportedly excited to see how COVID-19’s character evolves over the course of the next two Fast movies.

“As long as it’s not revealed that COVID-19 killed Han, I don’t care what it does. I’m more than happy to welcome it to the family by the next movie,” said longtime fan Said Hamer. “Has COVID-19 practically ruined my life? Sure. But I’m fine with it being a good guy in the next movie so long as it drives a cool car, drinks Corona Extras, and isn’t an obvious replacement for Paul Walker’s character.”

According to those familiar with the situation, Fast & Furious star Vin Diesel has also praised the work of COVID-19.

“I definitely butted heads with COVID a lot, but it was never as annoying as The Rock,” Diesel explained. “I just sat down COVID and looked it in its little red squiggles and said, ‘Remember, this is my movie. You don’t get to do a spin-off.’ And I think it got the deal. You may have been a big shot when you were running rampant, infecting people all over Italy and the world and shit, but you’re in Vin’s world now. Put that in the contract.”

At press time, COVID-19 apologized for saying that it had ravaged people in the “country” of Taiwan.