May 5, 2020 Dude Down to Protest Anything as Long as He Can Wear Cool Guy Fawkes Mask Dude Down to Protest Anything as Long as He Can Wear Cool Guy Fawkes Mask LANSING, Mich. — A protester at a recent demonstration against the state’s pandemic response has revealed that he’ll show up at more or less any…
April 25, 2020 North Korea’s Mom Demands Little Sister Gets a Turn as Dictator North Korea’s Mom Demands Little Sister Gets a Turn as Dictator PYONGYANG — North Korea’s mother has demanded that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un give his little sister Kim Yo-jong a turn as dictator now that he…
April 25, 2020 Donald Trump Recommends All Americans Inject Themselves With Bleach Donald Trump Recommends All Americans Inject Themselves With Bleach WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recommended Americans inject hit 2004 anime Bleach into their veins in order to prevent the spread of COVID-19, according to…
April 9, 2020 Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly received a mysterious white letter with a red seal less than a day after announcing he was…
April 8, 2020 Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Bernie Sanders officially ended his bid for the White House today, ceding the Democratic nomination to former Vice President Joe Biden. Many have been calling…
April 4, 2020 Hackers Leak White House Plans for Great Depression Definitive Edition Hackers Leak White House Plans for Great Depression Definitive Edition WASHINGTON — An anonymous source has datamined the United States government and leaked what appears to be future plans for a release of the long…
March 29, 2020 God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes HEAVEN — The almighty being who created the heavens and earth, God, admitted today that it’s actually kinda gay to create guys if you think…
March 27, 2020 UBI to Be Distributed Over Daily Login Bonus on Whitehouse.gov UBI to Be Distributed Over Daily Login Bonus on Whitehouse.gov WASHINGTON — In order to streamline distribution, sources are reporting that Universal Basic Income will be distributed to Americans via a daily login bonus on…
March 26, 2020 DNC Escort Mission Incredibly Frustrating DNC Escort Mission Incredibly Frustrating WASHINGTON — Members of the Democratic National Committee expressed frustration about the annoying escort mission to get former vice president Joe Biden into the White…
