October 12, 2019 Flint Still Doesn’t Have Clean Mountain Dew Flint Still Doesn’t Have Clean Mountain Dew FLINT, Mich. — After years of negligence by local lawmakers and despite many waves of public protests and awareness campaigns, the residents of Flint, Michigan…
September 27, 2019 If Greta Thunberg is Old Enough to Speak in Front of the UN, She is Old Enough to Accept My Invitation to Mortal Kombat If Greta Thunberg is Old Enough to Speak in Front of the UN, She is Old Enough to Accept My Invitation to Mortal Kombat Greta Thunberg, poster child for the radicalization of our youth, spoke in front of the members of the United Nations on climate change recently. Everyone…
September 25, 2019 Whistleblower Now in World 8 Whistleblower Now in World 8 WASHINGTON — The whistleblower responsible for filing the complaint that President Donald Trump requested an investigation of Joe Biden from the President of Ukraine Volodymyr…
September 25, 2019 America Votes to Kick America Votes to Kick WASHINGTON — The PvP squad known as the United States of America, or [USA] for short, has initiated a vote to potentially boot their leader…
September 23, 2019 White House Reporters Spam ‘A’ Button Through Entire Press Conference White House Reporters Spam ‘A’ Button Through Entire Press Conference WASHINGTON — A group of White House correspondents reportedly pressed the ‘A’ button frantically for the duration of President Donald Trump’s press conference this morning,…
September 16, 2019 Julian Assange Enters U.S. and Immediately Gets 6-Star Wanted Level Julian Assange Enters U.S. and Immediately Gets 6-Star Wanted Level WASHINGTON — Founder of WikiLeaks Julian Assange immediately received a 6-star ‘wanted’ level after crossing the United States border, drawing all manners of law enforcement,…
September 14, 2019 Opinion: We Must Make S the First and Most Powerful Letter in the Alphabet Opinion: We Must Make S the First and Most Powerful Letter in the Alphabet We all know the expression, “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” Well if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d…
September 12, 2019 Zoo Opens New Enclosure for Endangered White Male Zoo Opens New Enclosure for Endangered White Male DUKESBURG, Ala. — In a press release on Monday morning, the Dukesburg Zoo announced they will be opening a brand new enclosure for the rare…
August 23, 2019 David Koch Still on Wrong Side of River Styx After Refusing to Pay One-Cent Ferry Tax David Koch Still on Wrong Side of River Styx After Refusing to Pay One-Cent Ferry Tax STYX — Recently deceased billionaire and libertarian political donor David H. Koch was reportedly still camped on the edge of the river Styx this morning,…
